There are days when cats do not cross the road while you walk and the crows do not appear in single bearing a bad omen, yet you are destined to have a screwed-up day. And who do you blame this time, your neighbor? Or the maid you saw first thing in the morning? Or saw the dog doing the poo poo?
You look like a moron through the day and suffer from the WHY ONLY ME syndrome, and drown in the sorrow of low self esteem. Pour your grievances to all those around and burden them of your morbid state of mind. What the Heck? Why should you simply suffer alone?
That’s how my goddamn day began!
When I got to the front of my office and parked my car, A dog ran up to my car and lifted its hind legs, almost doing the stance of sumo wrestler to fight and all it did was pee pee on the tires and goes around and then squirts the pee pee again and this time the other way, after it is done, it gives me a sustained sympathizing look at my sad state and nods its head and goes!
As I got into the office I was greeted with the information of a fugitive apparently our employee at Hyderabad, who just disappeared one fine morning, switching off all communications and another morning he up-merged from nowhere and sends a mail like one of the tales from Arabian nights, and I wondered what made him sense that we would believe it!
I called on him to hear him and advise him, instead he made me feel I were a fugitive now doing drudgery to him, Oh we are so blessed to have him back for the day, halleluiah!
My temper hit the ceiling of my head and I lost my mind and the peace of it.
What more the day could give me? My wife is been ill for days and there are no signs of improvement and all that has improved was her ill health. The doc gave her some medicine, which was like let-her-go-remedy with a placebo effect.
My dad wasn’t keeping too well either, to make worse our water pipe line gave way and our plumper had blocked the tank from further leakage leaving us in drought. I had to bring almost 7 buckets of water on to the first floor from the sump; though I did it with great enthusiasm remembering Gordon Liu from 36th Chamber of Shaolin, my back caught cramps.
When I nearly believed it is over and sat to check my mails, I received another jolt and this time my graphic vendor ditches me with a sorry mail for taking a new assignment in US, making me feel as though I were an underprivileged.
By the end of the day having dealt with so many twists, I decided to stretch my back on the sofa and grabbed an apple to bite and as my tooth dug into the fruit I tasted something awful and realized the apple was rotten, that was it and it reminded me of Murphy’s Law “If anything can go wrong, it will.”
Friday, March 5, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Shatabadi Express
SHATABADI- CHENNAI
My day began when I remembered that I lost my sleep, a little too early with my cell screaming for help for direction, only to realize that it was the cab driver who lost his way to my home.
@ 4.00am Saar!! Yelide nim mane? (Sir, where is your house?) it resonated and I almost jumped off my bed and stooped from the balcony making dumb hand signals, talking to him, as though he could see the directions I gave, to take the rights and the lefts and ignore the lanes and jump the by-lanes to reach my home.
It was just 4.30am, sharks! I had to leave by five*@#*there I go doing the fast-forward, the first things the last and the last things, ophs! I did.
@ 5.00am the cell goes screaming again!!
Cab driver: Saar!!
Me: yen aithu? (What happened?)
Cab driver: Saar!! Innu kaithaidini (Sir, I am still waiting)
Me: howdah yenu? (Is that so?)
Finding my mocking ignorance, the cab driver would have wished to rinse me up like a cloth and use it to clean the dirtiest part of his car. As I got into the cab I sheepishly grinned at him and said a timid sorry hoping that he drives me safely to the railway station in the wee hours of the day.
On the way I were to pick SU’ (my friend and colleague) from an isolated Bus Stand near Isolation Hospital on old madras road and when he saw me, he was struck in disbelief to find me once on time.
@5:50 we were at the railway station and in no time we were on our push back seats; for a moment I thought that this was the journey I day-dreamed for quite some time, not for the destination but for the journey in SHATABADI.
I heard from my friends “the WOW “of travelling in this train and I experienced for once the way railways treated us, so privileged and so much so we were waked for biscuits with coffee and then the breakfast, uppit (Indian concrete) vada (Indian doughnuts) bread butter and jam and finally fruit juice.
Amidst the tranquility of comfort, I saw a man diagonally opposite to me gobbling something that appeared like chappati (Indian Bread), as I took a closer look I realized he was having an omelet and the hilarious part was he having it with fruit jam.
SU and me were never fortunate to find good travel companions when we travelled, a guy beside me from HP was rattling on his laptop and was making frantic calls for being denied of a cab to pick him up from Chennai railway station.
By 11.30 we reached Chennai, it was sultry. We soon found a government fixed rate auto and had to travel another 20 more kilometers to the hotel where we had the software demo.
Our demo from 12 lasted for a while and we hopped into a Madurai anjappar restaurant had an elaborate meal; soon we were ready to leave Chennai by 3.30 lalbagh express.
The Train was in time and was similar AC chair car but was not as good as our onward journey. As always we never got lucky. In fact a young lady wanted to occupy her seat which was beside SU, This time SU was very stern he didn’t want her to sit beside him, so we requested her to go and sit with another guy.
After a while we found her celebrating food starting with parupu vada (an indianite pulse patty) following a bread omelet and her trip went on, while the guy beside her suffered the most, we found him almost sunk into his chair and it appeared he was snorkeling to breath in intervals until we reached Bangalore.
Well all said and done the onward journey through Shatabadi was truly a memorable one.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Hey Auto!
!! Hyderabadi Shared Auto!!
This is the most hilarious, detestable, all terrain ride you could ever have in a tropical climate, where you smell the dry heat and the sweat of not yours, but the person next to you.
All that you need to have is back made of some metal and concrete cement and give an ear-splitting cry in intervals Oh God! And cling on tight till he flings you off the board only to realise that you have got down.
The rear seat is packed with 4 almost pushing their butt to find place vertically, almost rubbing every senses, and the perceived lucky men find the adrenaline count go high and you find them unusually blushing...
The front part of the auto is crammed with 3 inclusive of the driver ophs! Wondered who actually drove the vehicle was it me? Or was it the other? The so called driver almost sat on the handle and showed his flamboyant manoeuvring skills, bringing more intimacy and blissful gestures among the three. Threesome, awesome!
If ladies come, you sit in front otherwise you go behind and try the next auto. For once you may want to call out for a strike on gender bias!
Screech!! Was it the music or the breaks, Oh it was both, a true home theatre experience behind my back, and to all you realise you are at a complete halt at nano second from a very high speed with a balancing act on the front wheels. These auto drivers have developed the unique “Breaking Expertise” The man before the vehicle just whisked away as if it never meant to him, while the man behind almost did the suicidal act.
Bringing the auto to a halt in middle of the road or driver waving out to a friend or stopping the vehicle at casual hand wave is a common phenomenon of justice.
The drivers not only defy all physics of motion, scales and balances and beat all the logic, but also make traffic rules suitable to themselves. Do not be surprised to see an auto approaching the opposite direction of the road and you find soon few more repeating the heroic act. As a matter of fact they engender the feeling of guilt among the traffic cops and force them to hide in shame for being a barrier to their judgement, nevertheless be assured you will experience the hysteric part of the literal video game.
You choose to ride on the right side or the left side or the centre of the road, if all are occupied you can use the footpath and when asked you could dare to say this is Hyderabad!! The traffic signals are mere colored lights, some blink and the rest don’t, and it hardly matters, who cares the traffic moves on. By the time you reach your destination, the auto ride will guarantee you an hair rising experience or surrender a fair chance to your destiny and the rest to your insurance company.
The fixed fares are always fair and it is imponderable. Petrol price revision or recession is the result of change in the political party and fast approaching lok sabha elections or because of cyclonic depression in the neighbouring states. Please excuse the logic. The fares are otherwise fixed based on the mood of the driver and his visual assessment. Or be prepared for a line of unreasoning, which you may volunteer to believe for having no other options.
One statutory dialogue you would get to hear from the drivers in unanimity is about their high charges on driving back alone for a long distance, often pushing you to think something uncanny, more so for a male passenger after the 377 rule being legalised.
Auto stand has a row of autos, and the auto men were like the tollywood stars stroking their hair backwards and making wild gestures and majestic moves imitating some of their favourite stars. It is unusual to find someone straight if you find one you could be sure he is a migrant to Hyderabad!
All things considered it is worthwhile to experiment to those who haven’t tried and to those who have tried, may your bottoms rest in peace.
This is the most hilarious, detestable, all terrain ride you could ever have in a tropical climate, where you smell the dry heat and the sweat of not yours, but the person next to you.
All that you need to have is back made of some metal and concrete cement and give an ear-splitting cry in intervals Oh God! And cling on tight till he flings you off the board only to realise that you have got down.
The rear seat is packed with 4 almost pushing their butt to find place vertically, almost rubbing every senses, and the perceived lucky men find the adrenaline count go high and you find them unusually blushing...
The front part of the auto is crammed with 3 inclusive of the driver ophs! Wondered who actually drove the vehicle was it me? Or was it the other? The so called driver almost sat on the handle and showed his flamboyant manoeuvring skills, bringing more intimacy and blissful gestures among the three. Threesome, awesome!
If ladies come, you sit in front otherwise you go behind and try the next auto. For once you may want to call out for a strike on gender bias!
Screech!! Was it the music or the breaks, Oh it was both, a true home theatre experience behind my back, and to all you realise you are at a complete halt at nano second from a very high speed with a balancing act on the front wheels. These auto drivers have developed the unique “Breaking Expertise” The man before the vehicle just whisked away as if it never meant to him, while the man behind almost did the suicidal act.
Bringing the auto to a halt in middle of the road or driver waving out to a friend or stopping the vehicle at casual hand wave is a common phenomenon of justice.
The drivers not only defy all physics of motion, scales and balances and beat all the logic, but also make traffic rules suitable to themselves. Do not be surprised to see an auto approaching the opposite direction of the road and you find soon few more repeating the heroic act. As a matter of fact they engender the feeling of guilt among the traffic cops and force them to hide in shame for being a barrier to their judgement, nevertheless be assured you will experience the hysteric part of the literal video game.
You choose to ride on the right side or the left side or the centre of the road, if all are occupied you can use the footpath and when asked you could dare to say this is Hyderabad!! The traffic signals are mere colored lights, some blink and the rest don’t, and it hardly matters, who cares the traffic moves on. By the time you reach your destination, the auto ride will guarantee you an hair rising experience or surrender a fair chance to your destiny and the rest to your insurance company.
The fixed fares are always fair and it is imponderable. Petrol price revision or recession is the result of change in the political party and fast approaching lok sabha elections or because of cyclonic depression in the neighbouring states. Please excuse the logic. The fares are otherwise fixed based on the mood of the driver and his visual assessment. Or be prepared for a line of unreasoning, which you may volunteer to believe for having no other options.
One statutory dialogue you would get to hear from the drivers in unanimity is about their high charges on driving back alone for a long distance, often pushing you to think something uncanny, more so for a male passenger after the 377 rule being legalised.
Auto stand has a row of autos, and the auto men were like the tollywood stars stroking their hair backwards and making wild gestures and majestic moves imitating some of their favourite stars. It is unusual to find someone straight if you find one you could be sure he is a migrant to Hyderabad!
All things considered it is worthwhile to experiment to those who haven’t tried and to those who have tried, may your bottoms rest in peace.
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