!! Hyderabadi Shared Auto!!
This is the most hilarious, detestable, all terrain ride you could ever have in a tropical climate, where you smell the dry heat and the sweat of not yours, but the person next to you.
All that you need to have is back made of some metal and concrete cement and give an ear-splitting cry in intervals Oh God! And cling on tight till he flings you off the board only to realise that you have got down.
The rear seat is packed with 4 almost pushing their butt to find place vertically, almost rubbing every senses, and the perceived lucky men find the adrenaline count go high and you find them unusually blushing...
The front part of the auto is crammed with 3 inclusive of the driver ophs! Wondered who actually drove the vehicle was it me? Or was it the other? The so called driver almost sat on the handle and showed his flamboyant manoeuvring skills, bringing more intimacy and blissful gestures among the three. Threesome, awesome!
If ladies come, you sit in front otherwise you go behind and try the next auto. For once you may want to call out for a strike on gender bias!
Screech!! Was it the music or the breaks, Oh it was both, a true home theatre experience behind my back, and to all you realise you are at a complete halt at nano second from a very high speed with a balancing act on the front wheels. These auto drivers have developed the unique “Breaking Expertise” The man before the vehicle just whisked away as if it never meant to him, while the man behind almost did the suicidal act.
Bringing the auto to a halt in middle of the road or driver waving out to a friend or stopping the vehicle at casual hand wave is a common phenomenon of justice.
The drivers not only defy all physics of motion, scales and balances and beat all the logic, but also make traffic rules suitable to themselves. Do not be surprised to see an auto approaching the opposite direction of the road and you find soon few more repeating the heroic act. As a matter of fact they engender the feeling of guilt among the traffic cops and force them to hide in shame for being a barrier to their judgement, nevertheless be assured you will experience the hysteric part of the literal video game.
You choose to ride on the right side or the left side or the centre of the road, if all are occupied you can use the footpath and when asked you could dare to say this is Hyderabad!! The traffic signals are mere colored lights, some blink and the rest don’t, and it hardly matters, who cares the traffic moves on. By the time you reach your destination, the auto ride will guarantee you an hair rising experience or surrender a fair chance to your destiny and the rest to your insurance company.
The fixed fares are always fair and it is imponderable. Petrol price revision or recession is the result of change in the political party and fast approaching lok sabha elections or because of cyclonic depression in the neighbouring states. Please excuse the logic. The fares are otherwise fixed based on the mood of the driver and his visual assessment. Or be prepared for a line of unreasoning, which you may volunteer to believe for having no other options.
One statutory dialogue you would get to hear from the drivers in unanimity is about their high charges on driving back alone for a long distance, often pushing you to think something uncanny, more so for a male passenger after the 377 rule being legalised.
Auto stand has a row of autos, and the auto men were like the tollywood stars stroking their hair backwards and making wild gestures and majestic moves imitating some of their favourite stars. It is unusual to find someone straight if you find one you could be sure he is a migrant to Hyderabad!
All things considered it is worthwhile to experiment to those who haven’t tried and to those who have tried, may your bottoms rest in peace.
